Day 153:
Well, I ran 2 miles on Wednesday night and then about a mile and a half tonight. My race is next Saturday and thanks to all the encouragement from friends, I think I'm ready. Sort of.
As I have mentioned, this journey in running has not been easy. Lately, the emotional struggles have been the most difficult. This week though, my two boys have provided the lessons I needed to move past my fears.
Both boys run track and after several cancelled meets due to rain, they were more than ready for race day. My oldest runs the 400 and the 4 by 4. He has never been fast, but was setting personal records (PR) during every meet. My youngest runs the 400, 4 by 4, and the mile and was also setting PR's at every meet.
That is until Thursday. On Thursday, my oldest (a high schooler) was competing in his third track meet of the week and so while still running a decent time didn't set any new records. He wasn't upset. He knew he ran well and he knew that after three meets, he was tired.
Same day, my youngest (a junior higher) was competing in his second meet of the week and ran the mile 30 seconds slower than his PR. He came home upset. He declared, once again, that he was NEVER running the mile again. He wanted to run the 800 instead. He didn't understand why his coach kept insisting that he run the mile since he obviously is not any good at it. (His PR in the mile is 6:22. My PR is 14:34. I know why his coach wants him to run the mile. He's good.)
Like a good mom, I spent several hours trying to talk to him. I reminded him that he has only done three races AND shaved a whole minute off his time between the first two. What I wasn't expecting after this meltdown was our run today.
Today, he wanted to run with me. He wanted to practice his sprints and get an extra run in before track practice starts again this week. Yes, he is still upset about having to run the mile, but he is excited about running with his mom. He is excited about watching his mom run her first race. And if you push the subject, he is excited about having to run.
So, what's the lesson you ask? Simple my dear Grasshopper. Setbacks happen. Disappointments happen. What matters is what you do about those setbacks and disappointments. I can shrug them off as a bad day like my oldest and just bask in the satisfaction of completing a race. I can get upset and stomp my feet and declare that I am never ever running again. (Mine and my youngest's default setting.) Or I can do what my youngest and I did today and get up and just run.
Tonight, I am working on letting those bad days, those bad runs, roll off my back so I can get up tomorrow and run again.
Running again and always,
Lisa
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Day 146: Fear
Day 146:
I ran about 2 miles today and one second faster than Tuesday (still hanging out in the 15 minute mile range though). Running was easier today. I think that I could have pushed a little harder though. Maybe run farther or run faster.
Maybe.
So, what is holding me back?
Fear.
I am afraid of re-injuring my joints. I am afraid of not being able to run my first race in May. I am afraid of not being able to run the full 3.2 miles on race day. I am afraid of running 3.2 miles before race day (reference the first fear and Journal entry Day 1). I am afraid of coming in last at the race. I am afraid no one will cheer me on. I am afraid everyone will go home before I finish the race. I am afraid...
This is something I was not prepared for when I took up running. Years ago, I vowed that I would not be afraid; no one or nothing will ever have that kind of power over me again. Now, I am afraid. Not scared enough to stop running, but scared enough to not put forth my best foot.
So, how does one move past this fear? In the past, I used knowledge. I learned everything I could about the things I was afraid of. This time knowledge is not going to work. This time, I need people. I need a team of people running with me, cheering me on, and pushing me forward.
I need a team and I am afraid to ask for one. Afraid of hearing the word, "no." Afraid of not being good enough of a runner to keep up with the group. Afraid of being left behind when everyone excels and I don't.
Wow, there's that fear again!
Maybe tomorrow I will start to assemble my team. I need them. I need to face my fears. As you run today, say a prayer for me. "God help me to face my fears and run the race before me."
Hoping to run without fear,
Lisa
I ran about 2 miles today and one second faster than Tuesday (still hanging out in the 15 minute mile range though). Running was easier today. I think that I could have pushed a little harder though. Maybe run farther or run faster.
Maybe.
So, what is holding me back?
Fear.
I am afraid of re-injuring my joints. I am afraid of not being able to run my first race in May. I am afraid of not being able to run the full 3.2 miles on race day. I am afraid of running 3.2 miles before race day (reference the first fear and Journal entry Day 1). I am afraid of coming in last at the race. I am afraid no one will cheer me on. I am afraid everyone will go home before I finish the race. I am afraid...
This is something I was not prepared for when I took up running. Years ago, I vowed that I would not be afraid; no one or nothing will ever have that kind of power over me again. Now, I am afraid. Not scared enough to stop running, but scared enough to not put forth my best foot.
So, how does one move past this fear? In the past, I used knowledge. I learned everything I could about the things I was afraid of. This time knowledge is not going to work. This time, I need people. I need a team of people running with me, cheering me on, and pushing me forward.
I need a team and I am afraid to ask for one. Afraid of hearing the word, "no." Afraid of not being good enough of a runner to keep up with the group. Afraid of being left behind when everyone excels and I don't.
Wow, there's that fear again!
Maybe tomorrow I will start to assemble my team. I need them. I need to face my fears. As you run today, say a prayer for me. "God help me to face my fears and run the race before me."
Hoping to run without fear,
Lisa
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Day 141: I'm Back!
Day 141:
Wow! I can't believe that it has been over three months since I have written anything. A lot has happened during that time; some good, some bad. Let's start with some of the good.
In my last post, I mentioned needing an MRI on my ankle. Everything came back swollen, but good. No surgery. I then returned to physical therapy and continued to work my butt off. However, I was still pretty upset by my lack of progress. So, my therapist and I started looking for other ways to improve my ankle strength and support my high arch. It turns out that a different insole and a little Kinesio taping was all I needed. My last physical therapy session was on March 21st. Hooray!
Now, for the tough stuff that has made writing difficult. After writing my last blog post, I cried. I was scared and depressed about the possibility of surgery. Then I was upset by my lack of progress. Just as a solution was found and I began to feel hopeful about running again, a true tragedy struck my family. Both my sons lost friends and classmates in a tragic car accident that killed four teens about a month ago. Just as I was beginning to feel confident in my running and ready to write again, I found my family and myself consumed by grief.
Yesterday, the grief was renewed with the tragic events at the Boston Marathon just days after the one month anniversary of so much loss in my family. My heart breaks for those who lost loved ones yesterday and it breaks again for those who were injured. I know there will be stories of triumph over tragedy and I hope that many of those injured take on the challenge of learning to run despite missing limbs.
With all that said, I did run today in honor of those injured. It was cold and rain threatened during the entire run. I started out tired from lack of sleep and sore from my run on Sunday. So, it was a short run of only a mile and a half as well as a slow run averaging almost 16 mins. a mile. But that's OK because today I ran.
That's really what this is all about: running. Learning to run the race God has set before you (me), running it well and finishing it well.
My race has only just begun!
Lisa
Wow! I can't believe that it has been over three months since I have written anything. A lot has happened during that time; some good, some bad. Let's start with some of the good.
In my last post, I mentioned needing an MRI on my ankle. Everything came back swollen, but good. No surgery. I then returned to physical therapy and continued to work my butt off. However, I was still pretty upset by my lack of progress. So, my therapist and I started looking for other ways to improve my ankle strength and support my high arch. It turns out that a different insole and a little Kinesio taping was all I needed. My last physical therapy session was on March 21st. Hooray!
Now, for the tough stuff that has made writing difficult. After writing my last blog post, I cried. I was scared and depressed about the possibility of surgery. Then I was upset by my lack of progress. Just as a solution was found and I began to feel hopeful about running again, a true tragedy struck my family. Both my sons lost friends and classmates in a tragic car accident that killed four teens about a month ago. Just as I was beginning to feel confident in my running and ready to write again, I found my family and myself consumed by grief.
Yesterday, the grief was renewed with the tragic events at the Boston Marathon just days after the one month anniversary of so much loss in my family. My heart breaks for those who lost loved ones yesterday and it breaks again for those who were injured. I know there will be stories of triumph over tragedy and I hope that many of those injured take on the challenge of learning to run despite missing limbs.
With all that said, I did run today in honor of those injured. It was cold and rain threatened during the entire run. I started out tired from lack of sleep and sore from my run on Sunday. So, it was a short run of only a mile and a half as well as a slow run averaging almost 16 mins. a mile. But that's OK because today I ran.
That's really what this is all about: running. Learning to run the race God has set before you (me), running it well and finishing it well.
My race has only just begun!
Lisa
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