Day 631: PTSD

Day 631: PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - that's what my therapist calls the anxiety and panic attacks that I am struggling with right now.  The question is how does a mom, wife, librarian, and runner living in the mid-west get PTSD?  Doesn't this only affect soldiers?  A fast moving storm filled with hurricane force winds is how.  On June 30th a tree fell on my house and I was standing in the room that was destroyed.  It has taken weeks for me to stop hearing the sound of the tree crashing through the ceiling every time I close my eyes.  The anxiety was intense and continues to plague me.

So, what does this have to do with running?  For the last month I have struggled to do the one thing that was a stress reliever.  The one thing that helped me calm down after a long, hard day of work is now causing panic attacks.  Running is one of those things that triggers a person's fight or flight response.  It helps you run faster and farther when in danger.  This response is why runners have a runny nose, stop to use the bathroom right before running (or during), and experience an adrenaline rush (or runner's high).

Today was really tough.  With my anxiety levels still running high, I had a full blown panic attack while do some hill training with my running group.  I ended up hyperventilating and crying during most of the run.  You see, I know that I am the slowest person in the group and there is really no way for me to keep up without modifications.  I know this and have accepted this.  So has my running group.  But, today the pressure to keep up was too much.

This leaves me wondering how I am going to do during my first half marathon in less than a month.  I really want to do well (finish in about 3 hours).  I know that I will be at the end of the pack, again.  I just don't want to have a DNF because of a panic attack.  Guess my therapist and I have some work to do.

Taking lots of deep breaths,
Lisa

Day 561: Grant's Wish

Day 561: Grant's Wish - One Year Anniversary!

This was suppose to be written and posted on May 31, 2014.  However technology has not been my friend recently.  My computer was slowly dieing a horrible death and would daily decided which programs or features I was allowed to use.  Therefore, I could find this website, read posts, title a post, but not compose one.  Hmmm, frustrating.  Especially as this race marked my one year anniversary of racing.

So, computer issues aside, there are so many things to celebrate about the last year of running.

First, I am faster than I was a year ago!  (I know I'm still a turtle compared to most runners, but I'm now a very fast turtle!)  I finished over 5 minutes faster this year with a time of 43:08.  Still missing the all allusive 40 minute 5k mark that will move me from turtle status to something a little faster (not sure what yet).  I plan to attain that 40 minute mark this year at the Sundowner knowing I was about minute off during that race last year. 

Second, I made it one full year of races without any injuries!  No rehab! No crutches, or wraps, or anything but a few well deserved sore muscles. 

Third, I finished 5 different races!  Did you catch that?  I FINISHED 5 races!  I didn't just think about running and racing.  I didn't just hope to race or hope to finish.  I did it!  I trained, registered, showed up, ran, and crossed the finish line. 

So, what are you celebrating this race season?  Me?  Running free for one year!
Lisa

Day 512: The Hardest. Race. Ever. Done!

Day 512:

The Hardest. Race. Ever. Done!

 

The "Toughest 10k in the Midwest" is done! 

I ran. 

There were hills. 

Lots of hills. 

I finished. 

I met my goal.

1:30:49

Funds raised = $205

 

So, what more can I say other than thank you! 

Thank you to all the runners at Southfield Church who have helped me train for this race.  Especially Bob Coyne who put together all the workouts.

Thank you to my family for putting up with all the hours of work that goes into training for any race.

Thank you to all those who donated to Abolution International and giving new meaning to being free to run.

Thank you Mom and Doug for showing up to cheer me on at mile 5.5.

Thank you Haley Hurd and her cheering crew for brightening a very tough mile 2.5.

Thank you Daisy Austin for being an awesome friend, running partner, and photographer (that's her picture of me above).

Thank you Ray and Alice Capps for being there at the finish line to cheer me home.

Thank you Vicki Braun and Joie Austin for running the last .2 miles with me.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and follow my running journey.

 

What's next you may ask?

Finish the other two races in the Run3

Half-marathon in the fall!

 

Taking a well deserved nap now,

Lisa



Day 506: The Scariest Race Ever (So Far)!

Day 506:

The Scariest Race Ever (So Far)!

 

Saturday, April 12, 2014 is the date. 

 

Rockdale Ramble, also known as the toughest 10k in the Midwest, is the name. 

 

10 kilometers (or 6.2 miles) is the distance.

Am I ready? I thought I was until it came time to start my preview run of the race course yesterday.  Circumstances conspired against me and I ended up running my preview alone in the middle of the afternoon.  It was warmer in the afternoon than in the morning, but that was really the only redeeming point of the run. 

 

With map in hand, I sat on my couch, dressed to run, trying not to hyperventilate.  Runner me kept telling myself, "You've trained for this!  You've spent the last four Saturdays running up and down hills so you could run this.  Let's go!"  Hyperventilating me kept staring at the map saying, "How far did you say that is?  I've driven down that road.  It goes on forever!  What were you thinking?"

 

Finally, I got up and drove to the starting line.  Hyperventilating Lisa voted for driving the route.  Runner Lisa answered with you have to at least walk it. 

 

Well, I did run most of the route and walked when I had to stop and read the map. I made it back to my car and really wished I had been able to do this with my group.  I know that I would not have been able to keep up with any of them, but at least someone would have been waiting for me at the end. 

 

But I. Did. It!  I ran the course.  I found all the hills.  (And yes, every hill in Illinois is located in Rockdale.)  I faced my fear!

 

So, earlier today I posted this on Facebook:

 

As many of you know, I am running the Rockdale Ramble 10k. This is the longest and most difficult race I have ever attempted (so far). To celebrate this, I joined with WBGL and Abolution International and am raising funds to fight human trafficing. I am asking all my friends and family (those on Facebook and those who are not) to help me by praying for the girls who are healing from the horrors of slavery and/or by donating to help build a home in Nashville that will house rescued girls.  

 Here's the link to donate: http://www.crowdrise.com/TeamWBGL2014/fundraiser/lisabutler2

You see, even though this blog is called A Runner's Journal, the web address is runningfreefinally.  Today, I am free to run.  And today there are girls out there who are not free.  Period.  I am free from injury, worry, and fear.  There are girls who are not.  And there are girls out there who have been rescued from slavery and are facing their fears right now in order to heal from the scars left on their souls.  I want to honor them by helping my favorite radio station raise money to build a house for these girls to live in, learn at, and have the time they need to heal.  Will you join me?

Facing fear together,
Lisa  

Day 491: Hill Training!?!

Day 491:  Hill Training!?!

So today was the second time I have ever purposely run up a hill in order to train for a race.  It was a good thing I was with a group because it was hard!  The really cool thing was I actually had a running partner and I'm not talking about one of the faster runners slowing down to keep pace with me either.  We had a new person join us today who only recently started running again after being sick most of the winter.

Together we tackled the one mile warm-up.  Then challenged each other to run up the short steep hill 5 times (everyone else did 10 reps).  Followed by a half mile recovery lap before moving on to the long gentle slop; 3 reps for us, 5 for everyone else.  Then one more half mile lap before the really steep and tall hill 2 times! 

Looking back at today, I should have taken pictures.  It was cold and wet, definitely not the best weather conditions.  Plus the grass was soggy from all the recent snow melt.  So instead, I found some pictures on the Internet. 

This is what I imagined I would look while hill training:

Here is what I really looked like after the first 3 runs up a hill:

Yep, that was me.  Bent double trying not to heave my breakfast all over the trail. 

Now, my legs just feel weak and sore.  Tomorrow I'll go for a nice long run (I hope). Maybe if I keep this up I will reach my goal of running the Rockdale Ramble in 90 minutes.

Hills are my friends,
Lisa

Day 489: It's Spring! Finally!

Day 489:   It's Spring!  Finally!

Today is the first day of Spring and International Happiness Day.  So, what does any "normal" person do?  Why, run of course!  I just got back from a much needed run.  Not only  have I been cooped up because of the weather, but I ended up taking 8 weeks off for the flu, car accident, jury duty, and then a hip injury.  It got so depressing that I just started dating everything 2015 in hopes that the misery of 2014 would end sooner.

 

Then I came across this post from Life in the Day of a Runner on my Facebook page:

 

 

What motivation!  For me, running isn't really about losing weight (even though that would be a nice side effect), or being fast.  It's about being a better person - a better mom, a better wife.  Running lets me clear my head and discover what is really important in life. 

 

- Breathing:  Take a deep breathe and relax.  God's got this.

- Vision: Take time to not just look around but really see the things and people around you.  (There was one Canadian Goose standing on one leg with is wings just slight spread out from his body to help him balance.  I wouldn't have seen that if I was speeding around in a car running errands.)

- Endurance:  Life is hard and sometimes we just have to endure really tough periods of time.  Without endurance, I would never make to the other side much less a finish line.

 

So, in the words of Brian Metzler: Just run.

 

Running toward the important,

Lisa



Day 408: First Run of the Year!

Day 408:

First Run of the Year!

Wow!  Did I really wait eight whole days to go for my first run of 2014?  I can't believe I waited this long.  I guess between the holidays, having the kids at home, and the weather, finding a time and place to run has been hard the last few weeks. 

Running in winter seems to be a lot more challenging than running in summer.  In the summer, I just wait for the sun to start to rise or set, bring extra water and find a shady trail.  In the winter, I need to run before the sun sets, like at high noon.  The sunnier the trail the better.  And layers, I can't emphasis enough the importance of gauging the right number of layers.  Then there are pesky little things like snow and ice.  This year has seen a lot of snow and ice. 

I think we have had something like three significant snows.  (And what I mean about significant is sidewalks need to be shoveled before I can run on them.)  The last snow fall happened Sunday dumping 11 inches of snow, then blowing it all around while someone misplaced the north pole leaving it hanging out over the Great Lakes region.  I mean seriously, it was -15 degrees on Monday.  Tonight it might be above zero, but not by much and more snow is forecast for tomorrow. 

So, like I said finding a place and time to run has been hard.  Outside is really not an option right now.  I don't own a treadmill and the track is in another town 20 minutes away.  So, I'm curious, how is everyone else handling this cold and snowy winter?  Are you still running outside?  Have you broken down and dragged out the treadmill?  Or are you like me and have to find an indoor track that doesn't charge much?

Feeling the winter runner blues,
Lisa