Day 146: Fear

Day 146:

I ran about 2 miles today and one second faster than Tuesday (still hanging out in the 15 minute mile range though).  Running was easier today.  I think that I could have pushed a little harder though.   Maybe run farther or run faster. 

Maybe.

So, what is holding me back?

Fear.

I am afraid of re-injuring my joints.  I am afraid of not being able to run my first race in May.  I am afraid of not being able to run the full 3.2 miles on race day.  I am afraid of running 3.2 miles before race day (reference the first fear and Journal entry Day 1).  I am afraid of coming in last at the race.  I am afraid no one will cheer me on.  I am afraid everyone will go home before I finish the race.  I am afraid...

This is something I was not prepared for when I took up running.  Years ago, I vowed that I would not be afraid; no one or nothing will ever have that kind of power over me again.  Now, I am afraid.  Not scared enough to stop running, but scared enough to not put forth my best foot.

So, how does one move past this fear?   In the past, I used knowledge.  I learned everything I could about the things I was afraid of.  This time knowledge is not going to work.  This time, I need people. I need a team of people running with me, cheering me on, and pushing me forward.

I need a team and I am afraid to ask for one.  Afraid of hearing the word, "no."  Afraid of not being good enough of a runner to keep up with the group.  Afraid of being left behind when everyone excels and I don't. 

Wow, there's that fear again!

Maybe tomorrow I will start to assemble my team.  I need them.  I need to face my fears.  As you run today, say a prayer for me.  "God help me to face my fears and run the race before me."

Hoping to run without fear,
Lisa